Happy New Year!

“Be so committed to what’s best for your heart that you’re willing to sit through the most uncomfortable pain of growth and change.”

Hi there fellow wanderlust!

Can you believe 2018 is almost over? I can’t. This year went by so fast!

Did you get to go on the trips you wanted this year? Did you have some unplanned trips happen? Are you the same person you were coming into 2018? My year has been a whirlwind.

2018 was a hard year for me. I battled a lot of demons. Some in the open, some silently. Some days they won, some days they didn’t. But I was persistent. I didn’t give up or give in, and ultimately I was able to grow from each experience.

I battled with high anxiety the last few years and my doctor wanted to put me on Xanax. That was not an option I was comfortable with. In no way am I trying to say you shouldn’t take medicine if your doctor thinks you need it. I talked for a long time with my doctor and we agreed to allow me to try some other tactics first. That’s when I decided to pick up running. It became my solace. I loved it. I looked forward to that time every day. It was a healthy way to manage my anxiety, and it was doing more than managing it. I was beginning to feel like an entirely different person overall. I needed to recenter and ground myself and running helped me do that. I’ve continued running ever since then and running has been a big part of my life this entire year. It is what has kept me going.

I spent all of 2018 working on myself. At the end of 2017 my entire world changed when I split up with my long time boyfriend. It has taken all of 2018 for me to heal and be able to accept the things that have happened and move forward. In the midst of my heartache, I began reading again. This time, with a purpose of growth. I read some pretty difficult books about codependency and boundaries. I learned some hard truths about myself and began to learn how to change those things in my life. One by one, little by little I began to see small victories in all these areas and in all my relationships. I began to take control of my life. I began to realize that I don’t have to carry around what had happened like a badge. I didn’t have to play the victim just because the courts said that’s what I was. I didn’t have to listen to the lies and believe them anymore. I struggled to figure out why I missed him. What did I think of myself if I could miss someone who treated me so poorly? It took me almost all year to realize that I didn’t miss him. I missed what I thought I had. I missed being in a relationship. I missed being a partner and having a family. Once I figured that out, my life took a drastic change. I was happier, I was free, I was meeting people and having a good time.

In April I was able to go on a vacation to the Dominican Republic! It was amazing. I had an absolute blast. I got to go diving! The water was so crystal clear. You could see 90ft. It was an amazing experience. I got to see all different kinds of sea life. I couldn’t believe the colors. The bright purple and green coral, it was like it was there just for me. Purple and lime green. It was absolutely stunning. I just wish I had a camera with me. That was the only excursion we did but it was so much fun. The rest of the trip we spent sitting on the beach and soaking up the sun. It was just what I needed in the midst of everything going on at home. I needed an escape. Some time away to recharge.

May, June, July and August all went by in a blur. September rolled around and so did hurricane Florence. I already had a plane ticket to NY for that same week, but my flight out was supposed to be the same day the hurricane hit. So the airline changed my flight to a few days earlier to get me out of town. I cried as my mom dropped me off at the airport. I felt like I was abandoning my family. At this point, the hurricane was a Cat 4 and being forecast to hit Wilmington at a 4. I will never forget those first couple of days in NY. I was glued to the TV as I watched the hurricane continue to gain strength, and then finally at the last minute drop to a 3, to a 2, and eventually to a 1 before it hit Wilmington. Even at a 1, it was devastating to see the damage from days of rain and wind. The flooding in the weeks after the hurricane is hard to describe. I heard about it, and how Wilmington was now an island, and no one could get in or out of it. But nothing prepared me for seeing it as I flew in over it all. There was water everywhere. As I got off the plane and entered the airport I started to tear up. The terminals all had significant damage. Ceilings caving in, tarps everywhere. It was surreal. I saw my dad and he took one look at me and said “Everyone’s ok. Welcome home Cookie” as he wrapped me up in a big hug.

I got in after dark, so it was hard to really see the damage around town as we drove home. The next morning was a different story. I drove around town and couldn’t believe what I saw. It looked like a war zone. This was a week after the storm had hit. There were trees and debris everywhere. Piles and piles of debris along the sides of the roads, some 10 ft high. Many roads still weren’t clear or driveable. The first few days back at work were difficult. I would go home and cry every day after hearing all my clients talk about what they went through and what they were dealing with in the aftermath. The following weeks were incredible. I watched an entire city band together to help out complete strangers. I heard story after story about how complete strangers were giving their free time and helping others clean up and repair what they could.

November came around and so did my birthday. My birthday last year was overshadowed by being in court, so I was determined to make it a good one this year. It fell on a Friday so I planned an entire weekend. It was incredible. I was so overwhelmed by the outpouring of love and friendship. I was surrounded all weekend by so many friends and family. I can’t even begin to express how much that weekend meant to me. I am truly blessed. I started this year secluded and in so much pain. I never imagined I would end it where I have. I am now surrounded by amazing, loyal people who truly care about me and I about them. It has been an incredibly painful year, but it has been so worth it. I wouldn’t trade any of it. So thank you to everyone who has stuck by me, my family, old and new friends. I would not have made it through this year without each and every one of you.

I could not be happier to see 2018 go. I put in a lot of work this year and I am proud of who I have become. I am happy to say that I am not the same girl that walked into this year. I’ve put in the hours, I’ve done the hard work, I have bettered myself on so many levels. I am ready for 2019 and all the adventures it will bring! Starting with my first ever cruise in 2 weeks!

Happy New Year!!

Until next time, keep traveling wanderlust.