22 year old me after a night of drinking: “I hope I didn’t do anything stupid.”

29 year old me: “I hope I didn’t agree to go on a hike.”

So here’s what happened…

I moved to NC back in 2013. Every time I go home to NY I say I want to go hiking. Every time, something comes up and I don’t go. Not this time. I was determined. So I called a few friends. Some of them told me the high peaks I wanted to do were too long, some said they were too tough, some just flat out laughed and said, “have fun with that”. One said “let’s do it”. So we did.

That one, however, after a night of drinking turned into 2 (quote above was sent to me weeks after this hike by the 3rd member of this party…). So three of us, one fairly prepared and in shape, one (aka, me) was way out of shape and ill advised to do this hike, and one of us was completely unaware of what they had just signed up for.

Spoiler alert: ALL THREE of us made it to the TOP and back down to the car moderately safely.

The plan: Wake up at 5, meet up with Laura at 6. Begin hike at 7. We all knew this was going to be at least a 6 hour hike. We had done all the (mild) research involved in such a hike. We’re basically pros. *insert eye roll*. This was the first high peak ALL of us had done, so screw it, why not do two in one day. We’re totally ready for this.

The reality: Wake up at 5:45. Meet up with Laura at 6:45? I’m nearly positive we waited at the WRONG Stewart’s (Seriously NY, why is there one on EVERY corner?!?) for more than 15 minutes. I had fallen asleep in the passenger seat on the drive from Mark’s to where we were meeting Laura.

“Mark, this is absolutely the wrong Stewart’s. We need to go down the road. What time is it?!”

We finally make it to the right Stewart’s and I mean, come on. Totally ready to hike.

I won’t get into the hilarity that ensued on social media over the “BBQ sauce” in Mark’s backpack.

Finally, at least an hour after our original target start time, we are on the road. We had decided to do 2 high peaks in one day. Cascade and Porter Mountain. These two peaks are really easy to do in one day because you can hike the same path for most of it to get to both.

We finally got to the start point after a few stops for food and water. Me, having done the most research on this hike, was covered head to toe. Literally, I had on yoga pants, short sleeve shirt, light weight hoodie overtop, socks that came halfway up my calves, and hiking boots. Mosquitos stood NO chance! Laura was mildly prepared (really, she brought a whole damn hospital), hiking worthy capris, hiking boots, long and short sleeve shirt, and energy packed snacks. Then there’s Mark. As you see in the picture above, he was totally ready.

We sprayed ourselves down with bug spray and headed out. Laura and I were pumped up, ready to go. We stopped and turned around at the outburst of laughter coming from our very own peanut gallery (aka, Mark), “people will walk by and be like, who the hell are they?? Biggest group of misfits ever. I don’t even know what you two are supposed to be. And then there’s me, the fat kid that’s probably going to die.” We all doubled over laughing for about 5 minutes looking at each other in utter amusement at how we looked.

After hiking for about 15 minutes, we got to a point that we thought was probably about a quarter of the way (wasn’t even a 1/4 of 1/4 of the way) and take a break. We took some pictures, because really it’s absolutely beautiful in the Adirondacks, and let another hiker with his dog pass us. After a few minutes and a solid redemption photo posted to social media for Mark, we were back on our way.

At this point we’ve been hiking for about half an hour and already we’re getting tired and fatigued. Ok, Mark and I are, because really we’re finally sweating out the alcohol from the night before. It was at this point I realized, this hike is going to be hard. My legs were already burning. I started to wonder how we’d know where the turn off for Porter mountain was. Laura and I spotted a marker on a tree and went to read it while Mark caught his breath about 30yds behind us. The marker was pretty faded. I was trying to read the numbers so Laura could locate it on the picture of the map (because of course we forgot a map, and they wouldn’t let me take the one they had at the entrance to the trail. Rude. You mean I was supposed to bring my own?) we have on my phone. Laura and I switched places and she took a turn trying to make out what it said.

“1001? 1001 feet. Elevation maybe? Do you see it on there?”

“No I still don’t see it. Hold on let me look at the marker again….F001? That’s definitely an F. Is there an F001 on there?”

Laura- “no I don’t see that anywhere either”

Suddenly it clicks, and I burst out laughing! “Foot trail Laura. It says FOOT trail”

Now Laura starts cracking up. We are both laughing so hard we are crying. Literal tears are pouring down our faces and we are gasping for air. Then we hear “are you kidding me? I hate you two. How have I stuck around with you two for 20 years. How does this keep happening. F001, it says “foot trail”. You’ve got to be kidding me,” and we start laughing even harder as Mark just stares at us shaking his head in disbelief.

After what seems like 10 minutes, we were able to stop laughing and continue up the trail. We had been hiking for maybe 1.5 hours at this point and we saw a couple catching up to us. They seemed like they knew what they were doing, so we asked them if they’ve done this hike and if they knew where the trail splits for Porter Mountain. They said we had about 45 minutes left til we got to it and we definitely wouldn’t miss it. It’s clearly marked.

We thanked them and continued on our way. After another 20 minutes, I realized Mark was panting. Like a dog. Like he was about to have a panic attack and die. Laura was about 30 yards ahead of us, I stopped and turned around and I was actually afraid he was going to pass out, so I started SCREAMING at him…

“STOP BREATHING LIKE THAT!!!! You are GOING to PASS OUT!!! Watch me! Breathe! Like this! (Super exaggerated through the nose, forceful exhale out the mouth) GOOD. Again! Breathe with me!!!”

Once I was satisfied he was not going to pass out, I gave him some water.

“Mark seriously. Drink this. Don’t get to that point again. Concentrate on your breathing. We’ll go slower, and you’ll be alright”

I catch up with Laura and ask her if she thinks we should do both peaks in one day? Maybe this really was more than we could handle. She looked at me and goes “we’ll re-evaluate once we find the trail. But honestly, I know you. You’ll be so disappointed if we don’t do both. You and I both would be kicking ourselves later for it. Mark will survive. Well take it easy”

After another couple of minutes we finally found the turn off for Porter mountain. Yeah. Can’t miss that turn off. It’s literally impossible to not see it.

As Mark caught up to us, he yelled out, “look guys!! It’s Porter! I’ve found Porter! He was right here all along!” For the rest of the hike, any one of us would randomly yell out “PORTER! Have you seen Porter?”, “There he is! I found Porter”. Like we had lost a child and sent out a search party and finally found him.

The roughly .75 of a mile over to Porter was definitely a strenuous one. After 15 minutes we came to a big rock. The view was incredible. Laura and I continued on, deteremined to find the summit. The last .25 of a mile was crazy. We were literally hanging onto tree limbs and using them to help us jump over huge mud puddles because we did not have hiking poles (whoops). At some point I realized that Mark was not with us anymore. Laura and I started calling for him but he didn’t reply. We assumed he stopped at the false summit because he said (what we thought was jokingly), that he found the summit and didn’t need to keep going. So we decided to go to the top and stop for him on our way back down so he could eat too.

To our great suprise, only a few minutes after we decided this, Mark caught up to us. We had FINALLY reached the first summit of the day. We were all exhausted. We sat down and enjoyed some lunch. The view was absolutely beautiful.

Lunch was just the pick me up we all needed to get us to the top of Cascade mountain. What we weren’t expecting was the super intimidating rock face we were about to see. After getting back to where the two trails meet, it was only another 10-15 minutes to the top of Cascade. We came around a corner in the trail, Laura was in front, as usual, and we hear, “what the $#@%…”. I round the corner and second her sentiment as I saw what was in front of us.

As we begin this super intimidating climb, I started to feel some anxiety building up. That anxiety was immediately relieved as I saw Mark come out of now where and mysteriously run up the whole damn thing. Laura and I looked at each other and just started cracking up. If he could do it, so could we, albeit, we took it a whole lot slower than he did. We finally got to the top, and again, it was so worth every second of this strenuous hike.

Once we had our fill of the scenery, it was time to come back down. The first 15 minutes was terrifying. Coming back down that rock face was one of the hardest and funniest things I’ve ever done. I’m not necessarily afraid of heights, but I didn’t particularly care for turning around and walking down that rock face, when I could see the edges of the mountain all around me, and one wrong step could send me tumbling. Laura however, IS afraid of heights. She literally looked like Spider-Man trying to cling to the side of the mountain to get down. She was absolutely terrified. Mark and I made fun of her relentlessly to try to take her mind off of it and get her laughing about the situation instead of being paralyzed. Thankfully, it worked and we got her moving again. Laura and I got down that first part of the mountain by sliding on our butts. Literally.

The rest of the hike went by pretty fast. We were all completely drained and just wanted to get back to the car. We probably made record time getting down. It wasn’t completely without its own hilarious moments, one of which where Mark completely ate it and popped back up like a jack in the box and just kept going like it never happened. After about 2 hours, we were finally back to the car. We all chugged a celebratory marathon beer and got in the car to head home.

Moral of the story, none of us were prepared for this hike. All of us pushed through something different to get to the top, health, anxiety, fear, whatever it was, the three of us did what we have been doing for each other for the last 20 years. We met each other where they were at. Recognized the struggle they were having, and together we pulled each other up and kept going. The three of us together made it to the top. This hike was something all three of us needed to do. We have all been in a rough spot, and we just needed good quality time together. I do not know where I would be without their love, encouragement, and literally picking me up when I fall down. This hike was symbolic in my life. I needed to fight my way through a struggle and come out on top. This hike allowed me to literally do that. I was on top of the world that day. I am so grateful for the friends I have in my life who ALWAYS show up. Even if it’s to an ill advised high peak hike after a night of drinking and being up until 2am.

Until next time, keep traveling wanderlust!

Ps, here are some other pictures from the hike. They all have their own stories, I just didn’t have room to get into 🙂

Wanderlust: A strong, innate desire to travel

Hey there fellow wanderlust!

Since starting this blog, I have been asked multiple times where the name comes from and what it means. So here goes.

Wanderlust is a noun. It’s definition is as stated above. A strong desire to travel. When using it in a sentence, it is correct to say “she is consumed by wanderlust”.

I have such a heart for travel. I literally want to see the world before I die. I love to travel tropical, and hope to extend my trips to Europe, India, Africa, Australia, literally everywhere. I am so blessed to work in an industry that allows me to take time off to travel. I am incredibly blessed with the clients that I have who ask me, “where are we headed next?” Instead of feeling any kind of dismay about me leaving. I have the best clients in the world guys. Seriously. They are amazing and I am so grateful for each and every one of them. They make my heart for travel not just a dream, but a reality.

So where does Cookie come from? That’s a more endearing story.

My nephew had some trouble saying my name when he started to talk. Courtney, as it seems, is hard for toddlers to say. After a few less fortunate names, such as, “Titty” (really not sure about that one, Mitch and Samantha?!?”) and “Cokie” (again…ugh!) he muttered, “cookie”. I RAN with it. Y’all, I didn’t even think twice. I was so happy it was something that wasn’t offensive, I was ALL about this name. Wait, was he pointing at the cookies on the counter behind me? I don’t care, I’m seizing the opportunity. If Courtney was too hard to say, Cookie was fine by me. Who doesn’t love a cookie?!

And so, 13 years later, Gavin has successfully dubbed me “Aunt Cookie” and the rest of my family has followed suit. I have been formally renamed Cookie.

Hence, ‘The Wanderlust Cookie’.

I hope you all have enjoyed reading my stories about life and love and will continue to enjoy the ones to come.

As always,

Until next time, keep traveling wanderlust!

Definition: the art of diving into water belly first.

Have you ever seen a belly flop competition? Royal Caribbean hosts a belly flop competition on their main pool deck each cruise. Our competition was held on day 3. It was a full day of cruising. Gabby and I were lounging by the pool having some drinks and reading our books. All of a sudden we hear the MC start announcing that there will be a belly flop competition in 15 minutes. Thoroughly intrigued, we hang around to watch. We were not disappointed. 9 men and 1 incredibly courageous woman all lined up to do belly flops.

They introduced everyone in turn. Right away I noticed the ginger from Detroit. He was funny and captured the crowd, and after the first round it was clear this wasn’t his first time. His belly flop was by far the best, most satisfying to watch. He had a practiced form that was perfected. By the end of the competition, the entire pool deck was on their feet shouting out scores and holding up how many fingers (1-5) that he deserved. In the end the ginger from Detroit won, no contest. Perfect 5s on all 3 flops.

Thoroughly entertained, Gabby and I go back to our chairs and enjoy the rest of the day.

Let’s back up for a minute and go back to the night before. After a successful day of galavanting all over Nassau, we decided to take our afternoon siesta, from 5-7. We woke up and got ready for dinner. After dinner we walked around to see a little more of the boat, since the day before we were so out of it from driving over night to get there. We found the theater, asked a guy walking in if he knew what the show was. He said no but immediately lit up telling us about the show tomorrow night. Turns out he was the singer from the group from Nashville, TN and they were headlining the show the next night. He was so enthusiastic about it we decided we had to go back the next night to see him. But anyway, more about him later. Back to Monday night. We decide to go check out the club, Vortex. It’s about 10:30 at this point. We go up to the deck it’s on and find three other girls outside the club. They said it wasn’t open yet so we all took pictures for each other (because, insta. Duh) and then went back to the pool bar for a drink. Sitting at the bar, I started to really not feel good. I told Gabby I wasn’t going to make it to 11PM to go to the club that night. She agreed so we went to get some tea and go read and go to bed. Yeah. Not sure when we got old, but we did.

We go get our tea (I was really too excited about it) and head back to the room. We were in the elevator with some guys that were maybe early 20s. As we get off on the 9th deck one of them says, “enjoy the coffee” as they all start laughing. Gabby turns around without missing a beat and goes “It’s tea!” And we both started cracking up and continued on to our room. Yes, it’s official. We are old.

All that being said to bring us back to Tuesday. Cruising all day, with the belly flop competition. After our epic old lady fail the night before, we had a plan for our day. We were going to stay up and go to the club that night. After our day of lounging on the pool deck, we went back to our room for our daily 5-7 siesta (best part of our trip, I swear). We decided we would open our wine as we got ready at 7 for dinner. We pregame. Go to dinner, come back to our room, drink some more of our wine. At 10:15 we head down to the show–the one the guy the night before told us about–with the remaining glasses of our wine. The show was amazing. We were so glad we met the lead singer in passing so we knew about it. When it was over, we headed up to club vortex. It was 11:30. We had made it! And we were ready! Of course, getting to the club as soon as it opens means it’s pretty slow. We ordered some shots and drinks and hung out on the dance floor, people watching. As the club started to fill up, we started to walk around. We run into none other than the ginger from Detroit, Belly Flop champion. Gabby strikes up conversation with him, telling him I’m single and we are looking for my future husband. Well look no further!

“I don’t know if you realize, but I am pretty much a celebrity on this boat”

“Oh, I noticed.”

“So it’s just the two of you on the cruise?”

“Yeah, this is my sister Gabby, just us, girls trip”

“Well that’s awesome, what do you do for a living?”

“I’m a hair stylist. What do you do?”

“What would your future husbands dream job be?”

“I don’t know, I’ve never thought about it.”

“Oh come on, every girl has. What would it be?”

“Honestly, anything that makes as much or more as me at this point.”

“Like a doctor?”

“Yeah that would work”

“Good, because I’m a doctor”

“I’m sorry, how old are you?”

“26, I’m incredibly smart and graduated early”

“Ok Doogie. Sure”

“Wanna get a drink, cruise girlfriend?”

“Yes, Gab, lets go get drinks”

We all go to get drinks. Belly Flop is full of it, but he’s fun.

At some point, I tell him he reminds me of my brother because he’s a ginger. Around the same time Gabby’s telling him gingers are awesome, she married one. He puts, what he thinks is two and two together, and gets so freaked out thinking Gabby’s my biological sister, not sister in law and she’s married our brother.

“Cruise girlfriend. What kind of family are you??”

At this point I’m dying, I am laughing so hard. This poor ginger from Detroit is so distraught thinking we encourage incest. I’m trying to explain to him that she’s my sister in law, not my biological sister. After what seems like forever, he finally accepts that no incest has happened, and we are ok people.

Periodically throughout the rest of the night he would disappear and then I would hear “Cruise girlfriend! Where are you?! There you are! I thought I lost you!’

Needless to say, Gabby and I did not succeed in finding my future husband in the club. But we did find some serious entertainment and a few free drinks. Moral of the story is, don’t miss out on the belly flop competitions on your cruise. You just might find a cruise boyfriend. If you’re lucky, he’ll find a way to get you drinks on his unlimited tab.

Patience: the capacity to accept or tolerate delay.

…I’m working on it…

Have you ever seen the ETA on your GPS add time? I don’t mean when it adds time because you make a pit stop. I’m talking about it adding minutes to your ETA while you are driving. I didn’t even know this was possible until this trip to Miami. Let’s start from the beginning.

It was the weekend before Christmas and my entire family was together celebrating. I had been talking about how I found a really inexpensive cruise but couldn’t find anyone to go with me in January. I’m no stranger to traveling alone, but a cruise just wasn’t one of those adventures I wanted to do alone. Anyway, at dinner my sister in law, Gabby, asked me if I found anyone to go with me. I told her no unfortunately, I couldn’t find anyone who could get the time off in January.

She raised her hand and said “Um, me! I”ll go.”

“Oh yeah? Do you want to? You might actually be on track out that week!”

The dates matched up, she asked my brother if they could swing it and she could go with me. He laughed and said no. We both said oh well next time and moved on to another conversation.

3 hours later and we’re all watching Home Alone 2 and I get a text message from my brother, who’s sitting a few feet away from me.

It says “Book the cruise. I’m going to surprise her with it. She will love it. I’ll Venmo you the money.”

In my excitement (and let’s be honest, a few drinks later..), I didn’t account for travel time to get to Miami from Wilmington. I just thought, my vacation time starts Jan 13th, the cruise leaves Jan 13, that’s perfect! After about an hour, I text my brother back.

“So, I wasn’t thinking about travel time. And I work the Saturday before the cruise. We are going to have to drive down overnight, will she be ok with that?” This isn’t the first time I’ve overlooked seemingly minor details while booking a trip. We both just laughed it off and said “oh well, we’ll have to make it work”. Maybe my next trip I’ll book before I’ve had a few drinks.

3 weeks flew by. I couldn’t believe how quick the cruise came up. That Saturday I got up and went to work. Phil and Gabby drove down to Wilmington to meet me and by 6PM Gabby and I were on our way to Miami! We decided to switch drivers every 3 hours to keep us both awake. The 1st 9 hours of that drive went by SO fast! We were having so much fun just talking and singing along to the radio. Around 3AM we stopped to fill up and switch drivers. It was Gabby’s turn. The last leg of the trip. We were both doing alright, but definitely starting to feel tired. The next 2 hours went by pretty quickly, around 5am I started to doze off, trying desperately to stay awake so she wasn’t driving in silence. I looked at the GPS which said we had 20 minutes left to go. Awesome! We’ve got this.

I look over at Gabby and burst out laughing. Where Gabby had been just a few minutes before, was now an elderly lady struggling to see over the steering wheel. She had her hands right at 10 and 2, chest about 3 inches from the wheel, squinting to see over the dash. I asked her if she wanted me to drive the last bit, she said no. Then I check the GPS. Wait a minute. It says we have 30 minutes to go. How is that possible? We only had 20 minutes to go 10 minutes ago. I glance over to see how fast we’re going. 45 miles per hour. We’re going 45 MPH in a 70MPH zone on the highway. You’ve got to be kidding me.

“Gabby, really I can drive the last couple minutes. I’m awake.”

“No that’s silly, I’m ok. We’re almost there”

Yeah we’re almost there alright, at this rate we’ll get there in another hour. Just breathe. This WILL be funny in a week. You will laugh about this later.

At this point I’m watching the ETA literally GAIN time. What? How is that possible. No wonder Phil doesn’t let you drive anymore, ya grandma. It literally felt like we were going backwards. In all my life I have NEVER had time added to my ETA. This was a first. And I was literally watching the ETA go from 5:20 to, 5:30, 5:35, 5:45. We pulled into our friends driveway around 6AM. A very delirious looking Gabby, looks over at me and goes, “we’re there!” Despite myself, I burst out laughing. “We made it!”

All said and done Gabby added a very impressive 40 minutes to our ETA in the last hour of driving.

In all seriousness, I can’t thank her enough for being such a trooper with me and driving over night. But also, I’ll drive next time 😉

Until next time,

Keep traveling wanderlust!

“Be so committed to what’s best for your heart that you’re willing to sit through the most uncomfortable pain of growth and change.”

Hi there fellow wanderlust!

Can you believe 2018 is almost over? I can’t. This year went by so fast!

Did you get to go on the trips you wanted this year? Did you have some unplanned trips happen? Are you the same person you were coming into 2018? My year has been a whirlwind.

2018 was a hard year for me. I battled a lot of demons. Some in the open, some silently. Some days they won, some days they didn’t. But I was persistent. I didn’t give up or give in, and ultimately I was able to grow from each experience.

I battled with high anxiety the last few years and my doctor wanted to put me on Xanax. That was not an option I was comfortable with. In no way am I trying to say you shouldn’t take medicine if your doctor thinks you need it. I talked for a long time with my doctor and we agreed to allow me to try some other tactics first. That’s when I decided to pick up running. It became my solace. I loved it. I looked forward to that time every day. It was a healthy way to manage my anxiety, and it was doing more than managing it. I was beginning to feel like an entirely different person overall. I needed to recenter and ground myself and running helped me do that. I’ve continued running ever since then and running has been a big part of my life this entire year. It is what has kept me going.

I spent all of 2018 working on myself. At the end of 2017 my entire world changed when I split up with my long time boyfriend. It has taken all of 2018 for me to heal and be able to accept the things that have happened and move forward. In the midst of my heartache, I began reading again. This time, with a purpose of growth. I read some pretty difficult books about codependency and boundaries. I learned some hard truths about myself and began to learn how to change those things in my life. One by one, little by little I began to see small victories in all these areas and in all my relationships. I began to take control of my life. I began to realize that I don’t have to carry around what had happened like a badge. I didn’t have to play the victim just because the courts said that’s what I was. I didn’t have to listen to the lies and believe them anymore. I struggled to figure out why I missed him. What did I think of myself if I could miss someone who treated me so poorly? It took me almost all year to realize that I didn’t miss him. I missed what I thought I had. I missed being in a relationship. I missed being a partner and having a family. Once I figured that out, my life took a drastic change. I was happier, I was free, I was meeting people and having a good time.

In April I was able to go on a vacation to the Dominican Republic! It was amazing. I had an absolute blast. I got to go diving! The water was so crystal clear. You could see 90ft. It was an amazing experience. I got to see all different kinds of sea life. I couldn’t believe the colors. The bright purple and green coral, it was like it was there just for me. Purple and lime green. It was absolutely stunning. I just wish I had a camera with me. That was the only excursion we did but it was so much fun. The rest of the trip we spent sitting on the beach and soaking up the sun. It was just what I needed in the midst of everything going on at home. I needed an escape. Some time away to recharge.

May, June, July and August all went by in a blur. September rolled around and so did hurricane Florence. I already had a plane ticket to NY for that same week, but my flight out was supposed to be the same day the hurricane hit. So the airline changed my flight to a few days earlier to get me out of town. I cried as my mom dropped me off at the airport. I felt like I was abandoning my family. At this point, the hurricane was a Cat 4 and being forecast to hit Wilmington at a 4. I will never forget those first couple of days in NY. I was glued to the TV as I watched the hurricane continue to gain strength, and then finally at the last minute drop to a 3, to a 2, and eventually to a 1 before it hit Wilmington. Even at a 1, it was devastating to see the damage from days of rain and wind. The flooding in the weeks after the hurricane is hard to describe. I heard about it, and how Wilmington was now an island, and no one could get in or out of it. But nothing prepared me for seeing it as I flew in over it all. There was water everywhere. As I got off the plane and entered the airport I started to tear up. The terminals all had significant damage. Ceilings caving in, tarps everywhere. It was surreal. I saw my dad and he took one look at me and said “Everyone’s ok. Welcome home Cookie” as he wrapped me up in a big hug.

I got in after dark, so it was hard to really see the damage around town as we drove home. The next morning was a different story. I drove around town and couldn’t believe what I saw. It looked like a war zone. This was a week after the storm had hit. There were trees and debris everywhere. Piles and piles of debris along the sides of the roads, some 10 ft high. Many roads still weren’t clear or driveable. The first few days back at work were difficult. I would go home and cry every day after hearing all my clients talk about what they went through and what they were dealing with in the aftermath. The following weeks were incredible. I watched an entire city band together to help out complete strangers. I heard story after story about how complete strangers were giving their free time and helping others clean up and repair what they could.

November came around and so did my birthday. My birthday last year was overshadowed by being in court, so I was determined to make it a good one this year. It fell on a Friday so I planned an entire weekend. It was incredible. I was so overwhelmed by the outpouring of love and friendship. I was surrounded all weekend by so many friends and family. I can’t even begin to express how much that weekend meant to me. I am truly blessed. I started this year secluded and in so much pain. I never imagined I would end it where I have. I am now surrounded by amazing, loyal people who truly care about me and I about them. It has been an incredibly painful year, but it has been so worth it. I wouldn’t trade any of it. So thank you to everyone who has stuck by me, my family, old and new friends. I would not have made it through this year without each and every one of you.

I could not be happier to see 2018 go. I put in a lot of work this year and I am proud of who I have become. I am happy to say that I am not the same girl that walked into this year. I’ve put in the hours, I’ve done the hard work, I have bettered myself on so many levels. I am ready for 2019 and all the adventures it will bring! Starting with my first ever cruise in 2 weeks!

Happy New Year!!

Until next time, keep traveling wanderlust.

Hi there fellow wanderlusts,

Who’s been on a cruise? Love it? Hate it? Just ok? I need your opinions! I am planning my next trip (super last minute! My vaca starts in 3 weeks!), but I am TORN. Do I go snowboarding somewhere? Or do I go on a cruise.

I love my warm weather. But when I moved, I found my snowboard and all my equipment. Since then, I’ve had a bit of a craving to get on the board again. So I’m asking you all, should I go dive the Caribbean and Haiti, or do a short trip to the mountains in NC and snowboard…

I need some input here. I gotta book something soon!

Important to note, I found a ridiculously cheap 5 night cruise…

I am also taking applications for a travel buddy this time around ;).

Until next time,

Keep traveling wanderlust 😉

Hi there fellow wanderlust.

Last night I posted a short post. A few of you were able to see it before I took it down. I am going to shed a little more light on what I only touched upon last night. That post came from a place of anger, which is why I took it down. But I feel that what I had to say was valid. So here goes, for a second attempt with a little more reflection.

I have been trying for two weeks to write the perfect post. Then I remembered I had promised to be raw and real. So here goes.

I had a long conversation with my brother tonight. We talked about right, wrong, loss, love, life, family, the list goes on. The resonating fact was you get to chose. You get to chose when enough is enough. You are the only on in your way. You are the only one allowing your life to continue the way it is going. The only thing stopping you from moving forward is yourself. So what’s stopping you? What excuse? What reason have you put in your way?

Tonight I found a lot of “apology” letters from an ex. I put “apology” in quotes because this mans idea of an apology was to excuse his behavior. These apologies made me so angry. I felt more blamed for everything he chose to do than anything else. This relationship was toxic at its core. I kept these letters for over a year to remind myself of just how sick our mental state with each other was. I kept them to remind me of how vulnerable and easily manipulated I was in that time. I kept them as a warning, to not go back there. That was not love. That was not a healthy way to live. So tonight, when I found those letters, I wanted nothing more than to burn them. It has been over a year. I have spent countless hours this year working on myself and improving myself and my mental health. It was time to let it all go. To let the past burn.

I am a big fan of symbology in my life. So, I grabbed an old mason jar and threw the letters inside it. Lit a match and dropped it in. All the paper and smoke promptly put out the flame. Seriously? Not being discourage, I lit another match and this time made sure to light the paper on fire a little before dropping it in the jar. It again promptly smothered itself out. You have got to be kidding me. I couldn’t help but laugh at the irony. This relationship had been so long, and so stubborn, of course burning these letters would be just as stubborn. However, this time around I had my brother there to lean on for support. While I was in the relationship I had secluded myself from my family, they just didn’t understand. Lucky for me, I have a pretty amazing family that NEVER stops fighting for each other. And in my most desperate hour of need they ALL came to my aid. They had been sitting on the sidelines, just waiting for me to reach out for their help. My brother, seeing that the letters weren’t burning, went and got a bowl for me to put them in. This time, the letters ignited and burned. Moral of the story? It’s ok to need people in your life. It’s ok to struggle and need help pulling yourself out of whatever life has thrown at you. Don’t forget the ones that love you are always ready and waiting to help you. The feeling I had watching those letters burn, along with my replies that he never read, was freeing. I am finally ready to move forward. Ready to love myself, and rediscover who I am.

Until next time, happy traveling wanderlust!

Hi there fellow wanderlust! Do you remember the first time you realized the world was bigger than your home? Bigger than your town? I do. I was on a plane on my way to Italy and I was 8.

I knew that I wanted to see the world at a young age. I still remember the excitement I felt getting on that plane. I was about to have my very own, real life adventure! I remembering being amazed at how big the world really was. My 8 year old brain knew that there was so much to see, and then and there, on my first plane ride, I was bit with the bug. I knew in my heart I would be traveling for the rest of my life. I wanted to see as much of the world as I possibly could.

My family was spending an entire month in Italy with extended family. I definitely don’t remember everything that happened on that trip, but there were a few things that really stuck out to me. First of all, I was pretty peeved about being “too young” to go on some of the trips. I felt like I was stuck in Perugia the entire time I was there, while my older brother and parents got to go see Florence and other cool places. To be fair, my brother won the chance to go on that particular trip by eating the biggest pizza I have ever seen. This pizza had a 3 foot diameter! (I’m honestly not sure if that’s exaggerated or not…but it looked three feet to me!). Anyway, he ate the entire thing by himself, so as a reward my uncle told him he could go on the trip. I was so angry the day he got to go. My cousin Josh stayed behind that day and was able to cheer me up. He shared his game boy with me! My brothers NEVER shared their game boys. Josh won the title of coolest cousin ever with that one gesture. If you’re reading this Josh, you’re still pretty cool, and thank you. I don’t know if you even knew how much an impression that one simple act of kindness left on me. I think I even wrote about how you shared your game boy with me and it made me feel better when I went back to school and had to write about summer vacation.

One trip that I did get to go on was a drive to the church in Assisi. We went to see Saint Francis Basilica. I wish I could remember more about the architect of that building. However, the biggest impression I got from it was how high up the mountains we had to go to see it. It was so foggy out that night. We couldn’t really see anything. I remember driving down the mountain and we reached a level where the fog just entirely disappeared in a second. We had dropped back down below the clouds. That church was up so high it sat among the clouds. I couldn’t tell you the actual elevation of where that church sits, but in that moment, I was totally and completely amazed. I cannot wait until the day I get to return there and see the building and the grounds.

I fell in love with architect while I was there as well. When I came back home and had to make something out of clay in art class, I chose to make a house. An Italian house, like the ones I had seen while I was there. I remembered being captured by the fact that there were plants in everyone’s windows. It was so different, the way the houses were built in the old cities. I was fascinated by it. I had never seen anything like it in the United States.

I had so many experiences while I was there. As I got older, I’ve told everyone I wish I was older when I had that opportunity. I wish I could go see all the history I was surrounded by, but missed. I am so excited that I will FINALLY be able to do that! Next year, I will be going on a tour of central and southern Italy! I am beyond excited to finally have this chance to go and re experience Italy, in a way that I will remember this time!

Do you remember where you were? Do you remember what trip it was? What put the wanderlust in your heart? Mine was Italy.

Until next time, happy traveling wanderlust!

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.

-Eleanor Roosevelt

Hi there, fellow wanderlust! Have you ever wanted something so bad you pushed yourself through some pretty difficult fears to get there? I pretty much live in that space. I could so easily sit home and never leave and be comfortable all the time. It takes a lot for me to get out and do new things and meet new people. Over the years, it has gotten a little easier, but I still wrestle that anxiety and nerves when I branch out to do something new. I have found the reward is always worth the little bit of anxiety at first. Scuba diving was one of those experiences. If you read the first post, you know that my first time scuba diving was one of the scariest things I have ever done, but man, am I glad I did it. When I decided to go through certification, I battled those same panicky, anxiety ridden thoughts and feelings.

The first day of training was easy, albeit slightly embarrassing. The second day was most of the skills tests jammed into one day. Talk about exhausting. I didn’t know what to wear, so I wore my bikini again but decided to leave a tank top on over top of it. I didn’t want to wear my wetsuit and be too hot because the day before I was sweating from the swim tests. Any of you that dive are probably shaking your heads right now because you know how much of a mistake this was, yet again. I felt entirely out of place with this group, the majority of the people were military or ex military, and most of them seemed to have a basic idea of what they needed to do.

We got in the pool and stood in the shallow end waiting for instruction.

First skill. Breathe under water. Sounds simple. But just like the time I went diving on vacation in Kauai, I begin to panic. There was no time for panicking. Before I realized it, everyone else had the regulators in their mouths and were descending no problem. I thought, now or never, you’ve already paid for this. All I needed to do was drop to my knees and continue breathing as normal. After a few breaths, I calmed myself down and got my breathing back to normal. Even though I was in a pool, I remembered how cool this whole thing was and how excited I was to be doing it.

About halfway through the night I was freezing and exhausted! We were still on the shallow end of the pool doing the basic skills. The instructors had us all come above water to take a short break before moving to the more complex skills in the deep end of the pool.

We were all standing there and James (one of the classmates) says “I’m freezing!”
Dan says in response, “You’re freezing? Court’s down here in a bikini, not complaining!”
So me, not missing an opportunity like this, said, “Yeah seriously! Man up over there!”
The entire class starts cracking up and saying “OOO she told you,” and “yeah, man up!”
Hence, the rest of the week long class you would hear someone randomly yell out “man up!” If anyone was complaining. I hadn’t intended for it to be comic relief for the rest of the course, but I’m so glad it was. There were definitely times I needed a good laugh to relieve some of my stress, anxiety and fear over what I was doing.

But this post isn’t about that one comment, it’s about how I overcame a truly terrifying course for me, to be able to do something I absolutely love. After our short break (in which I promptly put on my wetsuit! Thank you warmth!) we all got back into the pool, this time on the deep end. They told us to descend to the bottom and watch them demonstrate the next skill we would be doing. Now at this point I guess I should explain, the instructors would tell us above water what skill we were doing, then demonstrate it underwater, and we would repeat it with our buddies. My poor buddy was a trooper. Let’s call him Andy. Half the time, I couldn’t remember what we were supposed to be doing, they were moving so fast through the skills. We managed to get through it all though. When it was my turn to remove, replace and clear my mask (the absolute worst!) I completely panicked. I had that same paralyzing fear I had experienced on the boat over in Kauai so many months before. I couldn’t move. I just grabbed onto Dan’s wrist for a minute and told myself, you can do this. Just take it off and put it back on. You know how to clear it once you get it back on. After what felt like an eternity, I finally took my mask off. Not letting go of Dan’s wrist, I held my mask in the other hand and left it off for the minute required (are we sure it was only a minute Dan?). When he tapped my shoulder to let me know I could put it back on, I finally let go of his wrist, managed to get my mask back on and clear it. However, I was choking. Straight up choking. I had inhaled through my uncovered nose and was breathing in water. Thankful for my online course training that told me I could cough into my regulator, that’s what I began doing. I thought I was going to have to go back up to the top, but managed to stop choking and return to normal breathing fairly quickly. Still not letting go of Dan’s wrist, he gave me the OK sign with a mild concerned look. It took me a second to remember I needed to give the all OK sign back to him. When I finally did he smiled and gave me a fist bump and moved on to the next person.

The rest of that night is a blur of mild panic, inner monologue of self reassuring myself and reminding myself why I was doing this. We went though all but a few of the skills we needed in that one night. It usually takes two nights. When I say they were going fast, they were going really fast. They pushed us through it so we could have more time and get to our open water dives faster.

I remember calling my mom that night and crying. I did not know if I could do this. I was exhausted, mentally and physically drained from being up and down, in and out of water for 5 hours. I left that night not sure if I was going back the next day. I felt so confused on all my skills. They passed me, but I didn’t even know if I was doing them right. As I’m telling my mom this all, from 5000 miles away (sorry mom for all those calls…) I felt defeated. I felt like I couldn’t do this. Who was I kidding? I am not this adventurous. I am not this fearless (not to mention, I am TERRIFIED of sharks—that kid that thought a shark was going to randomly show up in the deep end of the pool, terrified— and I’m about to go into their territory in a few days, willingly. What?!). What am I doing? Why am I here?

I don’t honestly remember much of what my mom said to me that night. But I went to bed when I got home and crashed. I woke up the next morning with all those questions and fears pouring down on me, so I got up and went for a run. On my run I was reminded of the beauty all around me. I was in Hawaii. I was running around Pearl Harbor. I broke down. I sobbed. Being in that place, it’s hard not to be humbled by all the history and beauty around you. I went and sat at some tables and chairs looking out at the harbor and the mountains. I walked myself through all the reasons I wanted to be certified. I realized the only person telling me I wasn’t adventurous enough was me. I had left my life on the east coast behind for two months to go to hawaii where I knew very few people, how is that not adventurous? I was the only one telling me I couldn’t do this. My mom told me I could do it. Dan told me he knew I could do it. Andy told me I could do it. The whole class would tell me to “man up” if they knew I was having these thoughts. So why was I allowing fear to keep me from doing something I KNOW I love once I get through this necessary certification process? I realized in that moment that I was the only one in my way. I had a choice, to let fear rule my life or to man up, face it and get to the other side to be able to experience under water life all around the world. I chose the second option. Wouldn’t you?

Ps.  I did see a shark that week, and it was awesome!

Until next time, keep traveling wanderlust.

“Attitude is the difference between an ordeal and an adventure”

Hi there, fellow wanderlust. Have you ever been scuba diving? What an entirely different world there is underwater. As some of you may know, I have some amazing friends in Hawaii who opened their home to me for two months in 2017. What an adventure it was! I couldn’t possibly recap the whole two months in one post, so you will be getting clips of it over time. To tell this story, I need to jump back a few years to the very first time I ever dove.

I was lucky enough to find myself on the beautiful island of Kauai back in September 2016. While there I was determined to go on a discovery dive. My travel companion and I decided to give it a shot on a day cruise of the Na Pali coast line. It was absolutely stunning. During the ride to the dive spot we were briefed on the basics and what we needed to know to keep us alive underwater. By time we arrived at the dive, the instructor had strapped what felt like 50 extra pounds of weight to me and told me to follow him into the water, off the side of the boat. He had not explained to me how the vest works. So I started panicking.

We’re out in the middle of the Pacific Ocean on a calm 15 foot swells day. Yeah, calm is what he said. Growing up on the east coast, nothing to me sounded calm about 15 foot swells. After watching the instructor and Brad (lets just call him Brad) jump overboard, it’s my turn. I couldn’t move my feet. I was physically incapable of walking off the side of the boat. After what felt like forever (probably no more than a minute) the captain, throws me off the boat. For some reason, my brain did not understand how this vest was going to keep me above water with all the extra weight they had strapped to me. I thought for sure I was sinking straight to the bottom. As soon as I resurfaced, I started panicking. I could not breathe. I was having, for the first time in my life, a full blown panic attack. As the 15 foot swells kept coming, bumping me into the boat, and getting water in my mouth, the dive instructor swam over to me and shoved the regulator in my mouth. He then told me to stick my head in the water and breathe. After about 5 minutes of this I was finally calm enough to proceed with the skills and then begin the dive. Sounds fun right? Just ready to jump out of your chair and go diving? All the panic aside, I wouldn’t change a single thing about that experience.

I am so grateful for that dive instructor. While I was panicking, he kept so calm and knew exactly how to calm me down and get me to continue on the dive. I am so glad he did. Being under water, seeing all the stunning colors, sea life, and topography was life changing. In the moment I couldn’t imagine not being able to do this whenever I wanted. I was euphoric. When the dive ended, I knew I was going to be doing this again, and I promised myself I would be certified within a year. With all that being said, here’s just the beginning of the hilarious, life altering, week I was about to embark on.

Towards the end of my trip I decided to look into actually getting certified. I was in paradise, might as well get the certification I promised myself while there. I went to the dive shop on Hickman Air-force Base and asked them about their certification programs and if they had any availability. Lucky for me they did have a spot left in their class the last week I was in Hawaii. They told me to come back on Memorial Day because everything in the shop was on sale, including the course. Score!

I was the first one to arrive the day training started. After filling out legal paperwork and going through the formalities, Dan and Stew (not their real names, the instructors) handed out a test of the things we were supposed to have learned in elearning.

Next they got us all fitted for our gear for the week and told us to bring it out to the sidewalk where we could see Dan. I put my things down where Stew told me to. As soon as I sat it down he told me to move it again. So I picked it all back up (we’re talking 50 lbs of gear) and moved it again.

As soon as I got settled he goes “Wait sorry. Move over here.”
I looked at him and said “Are you sure this time? Cause as fun as this is, I’d rather not keep playing this game”
Stew laughed and said, “Wait! Yeah I’m sure. Move over here.”

We then put together and tore down our kits 3 times (for maximum retention…still forgot how to do it the next day…). After that, we put all our gear into our cars and headed to the pool. If I thought some of these chivalrous military guys were going to help me lug my gear around, I was wrong. Ok Courtney, time to man up and do it yourself. You definitely ARE strong enough to lift this tank.

Over at the pool we are told that we will just be doing the swim test, 200 meters free swim with no time limit, and treading water for 10 minutes. Naturally I hang back because I don’t want to be in the first group to do the test. Of course, I want to see how everyone else does first. At this point, I’m thinking I run 5 miles a day, how hard can a 200 meter swim be. I can swim, but I do not and never have, swam distance.

Mistake number one. Thinking this will be easy.
Mistake number two. Choosing to wear my Victoria’s Secret bikini.

Now, those of you that swim, at this point may see the very serious error in my thought process. I, however, did not. As I’m swimming along I start to think that my top doesn’t feel like it’s still in the right places.

I tell myself, “You’re just being paranoid. You always think this and it’s always fine”. Just keep swimming, just keep swimming. So, I keep swimming.

Halfway through and I’ve lost track of how many laps I’ve done, and oh yeah, I am dying. I cannot breathe. What the hell. I run 5 miles a day! How can I not breathe from this swim? Swimming next to me is Benjamin. I was selfishly glad to see that he was also struggling with this swim test. He grabbed onto the side of the pool and looked at me and said, “This is going to kill me”. I started laughing and replied “I was just thinking the same!”

With only two more laps to go I started to wonder how the first group made this look so easy? It had to have taken me 10 minutes to swim 200 meters! Everyone from group one was standing on the side watching us all, waiting for me and Benjamin to finish our swim. As I got out of the water, I realized there really was something wrong with my top. The complete bottom half of not one, but both, my boobs were being squeezed out of my bikini top! I didn’t even look down, I just knew. Everyone was looking at me. As my face was turning bright red, I went over to where my towel was and quickly wrapped it around me to safely adjust myself. In those 10 seconds, that seemed longer than the entire swim test, I went from completely mortified, to laughing at myself, to embracing that I had just become “that girl”, and would remain “that girl” for the entirety of the week long class. What are ya gonna do right?

Until next time, happy traveling wanderlust!